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Derek Zoolander: Look, I think I know what this is about and I'm complimented but not interested.
Matilda: What?
Derek Zoolander: I can't sleep with you, OK? My head is killing me...
Matilda: What are you talking about?
Derek Zoolander: Okay, if you just want to fool around or...
Matilda: WAIT! I don't want to sleep with you!

Derek Zoolander: God?
Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about? It's me, Maury.

Derek Zoolander: I just wanted to make you proud of me, pop.
Larry Zoolander: How? With your male modeling? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?

Hansel: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.
Derek Zoolander: Fine.
Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Hansel: Well, you go first.

Derek Zoolander: [after being in a coal mine for a day] I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop. [coughing] It's not very well-ventilated down there.
Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.

Maury Ballstein: What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Derek Zoolander: [thoughtfully looking up and mouthing the words silently] ... fall off the horse...
Maury Ballstein: [looking to supply finish] We... get back on!
Derek Zoolander: Sorry, Maury. I'm not a gymnast.

J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.
J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the grassy knoll sure as shit were!
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.

Matilda: [after Derek saves the prime minister] Derek that was unbelievable!
Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!
Matilda: No, you saved the prime minister!
Derek Zoolander: Oh, well, that's cool too.

Derek: Look, you can't just come into people's lofts, wanting sex, then changing your mind, then telling them they've been at a day spa for a week...
Matilda: You have been at a day spa for a week.
Derek: So what?!

Do as you are trained... AND KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER!

[after Derek says the center should be bigger] He's absolutely right.